A COMEDY OF ERRORS

Feeling like Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis in the OUT OF TOWNERS
About my trip back home to Ohio... August 12 2008
We left on Monday morning. I was so excited. Not just about the trip...even though we planned on going back to Annapolis (a town I love) as well as Washington DC, Philly, Atlantic City and possibly the Outer Banks. No I was excited to go to little old Geneva Ohio, my hometown. The trip was a lot of fun but didn't turn out exactly as planned.
We decided to drive since most of this was a business trip Larry was on and I was just along for the ride, but we could enjoy the drive and stop different places along the way. Then in the middle of his trip he was taking a couple days vacation and we were heading to Ohio. We were all set, with a fancy GPS for all our side trips. So began our comedy of errors. Well our first stop was in Washington DC. Actually quite accidently. No pun intended. Mostly I just remember a loud noise, a jerking motion, slamming to a stop and then sitting along the side of the freeway, cars whizzing by us, with shattered glass all over me, and Larry asking if I was all right. We were on what I think is called the beltway with 4 lanes going one way and 4 going the other way. With 2 in the middle that changed direction according to the time of day. (And apparently you should not enter one of those lanes unless you are sure what time of day it is and which way the traffic is going) --I wont go into details other than to say it was an accident, and my husband was NOT ticketed. I think I have ragged on him enough. All I will say, is this is where my love/hate relationship with the GPS lady began. So other than Larry being all nicked up from the glass on his hands and forearms we were okay. Although we now needed a new rental. So after getting off the highway and washing up at the nearby Comfort Inn at the freeway exit, dealing with the tow truck driver and police, we were off!! A taxi picked us up to take us to get a new rental at Ronald Reagan airport. I don't remember much about that ride other than I think the taxi driver aspired to be a pilot considering the way he flew through the maddening streets of Washington DC. Then we get to the airport. Come to find out the taxi cannot take us "directly" to the rental area, he can only take us "close" to it. He drops us at the shuttle area, collects his $30.00 bucks and he's off. This would be fine if their was a shuttle anywhere in site. Otherwise you have cross two lanes of traffic in each direction and come in what seems like the back entrance of the airport to find the rental area. Not a big deal if you are flying and packed accordingly. But remember we are road warriors. We had luggage, garment bags, books and magazines, camera bags, shoe bags, and misc other junk to carry. Everything to make your drive more comfortable but certainly packed inappropriatly for schlepping through the streets. Way too much for two people. My husband of course carried most the heavy stuff and gave me the pull along, some misc. bags with book and magazines, along with my purse, camera bag and a cosmetic case. Easy, right? Well, of course not. I tried piling a few smaller objects on top of the pull along luggage so I could drag more behind me. Bad call. Once ready we trekked across the street towards the airport. I shouldn't say "we" since my husband seemed to lift off and just sail across the street without ever looking back, apparently assuming I was right behind him. I of course, was not. Coming off the curb, I "bounced" a few feet from the curb into traffic with my "easy to pull along" luggage and splattered it all over the roadway with cars coming at me. So of course, there I am in the the road, gathering up my stuff, using some very unladylike language, (swearing like a sailor as I like to say to my sailor husband who actually doesn't swear) and passerby's are probably getting a good laugh as I am frantically attempting to retain my dignity. (Never did) All the while being strangled by my purse that has twisted around to my back with the strap in the front around my neck. I felt like I was in that old game of frogger. Darting across the road with cars whizzing by and stopping to re-adjust or pick up a bag or two along the way. Just trying to get across the street and not get splattered. And oh yeah, where is my darling husband? He's already cleared the road and heading towards the entrance. "Hey there babe! I'm back here...no not right behind you...back here playing Frogger and picking up our junk off the roadway!" I get to the entrance and there stands my husband with a perplexed look on his face as if to say "what in the world are you doing?" I restrain myself here because I am sure our capital has stringent laws concerning assaulting another person, husband or not. Now we are granted a new rental. (We are gold members after all...hooray!) A nice new SUV. Oh and with that GPS lady again. Were off! No wait....as we are leaving the garage, we are stopped and informed that we have been given the wrong car. It doesn't match the paperwork. After some arguing that doesn't do any good (doesn't he know we are gold members?)...we are told we need to back up and return to the rental area. WHAT??? Back up? There is a line of cars behind us a mile long and this is your plan, back up? To go car by car asking each one to back up so we can get out of this line? Yes, that is their plan. Once out of the line, (we have not won a popularity contest here) we return to the rental area of the garage. I wait in the car as Larry goes inside the little cubicle to get the right paperwork. Now there is a woman knocking at my window. She is yelling at me to move my car, as I am blocking her in. I try to explain to her, (even though there really is enough room to maneuver around us) that while yes I am sitting here and capable of driving, it would take more time for me to get out, go around and move it, than if she could just wait one moment for my husband who is just 20 feet away to move it. She apparently disagrees with my ramblings and continues to tell me to move my car. I point to my husband who we can both see and inform her here he comes! She still wants me to get into the drivers seat and move my vehicle. Like its a race to beat Larry into the drivers side. So as I sit there and look at her, I once again ponder about the assault laws in DC. Fortunately Larry arrives and we are now allowed to leave with our car. We are on our way to our hotel. What a day! We get to our room, a nice one and fall fast asleep without bothering to unpack or put things away. The next morning, after a fitful nights sleep, I lay in this comfortable bed and I hear Larry preparing to leave for his business meeting. I plan to get up and enjoy the day. Its about 6:30 am, a pitch black room (I love that about hotels) and I remember as I hear what I think is the door closing behind him, that I have no cash on me and he has my credit card. So I jump up from a half sleep, sprint around the bed and whoa!! Guess where my loving husband decided to pile the luggage? Both shins slam into the luggage, I propel over it and land on my backside on the floor. Now Larry is standing over me..."you okay babe???" Again with the language! What good Christian woman talks like this??? Needless to say, I got my credit card. Along with the bruises on my shins.
The next day I vowed as we left Washington to enjoy the rest of the trip. After all we still had Atlantic City and home! This of course was before my husband began fiddling with the GPS again. Excuse me, but this sweet little GPS lady is the one who told us to turn left when we shouldn't have and caused our accident in the first place. My husband of course didn't necessarily agree with me about the lady. I wonder about the two of them. He continues to fiddle with the GPS as I continued to ask him please stop....watch the road...one accident is enough.... My dear husband (he thinks I can't see him roll his eyes) all the while continues to assure me of his capable driving skills, assure me that he can drive carefully and use the GPS. Whats that? Oh that's the sound of our car going off the side of the freeway and me screaming!. ... again. This time of course Larry pulled the car quickly back onto the road without any major mishap. (I am sure I saved the day because of my screaming) so now, aside from the occasional annoying voice of the GPS lady, this part of the trip was traveled in silence.
So all in all the trip was fun. Amidst car accidents, shlepping luggage, torrential downpours in the mountains where you could barely see to drive, crossing terrifying bridges I hate (thank you Maryland), bruised shins, arguments, a last minute borrowed camera that didn't work because ours had broken, a video camera with a dead battery, a growing resentment of the GPS lady, too much fast food and dirty bathrooms, I got to once again enjoy a road trip with my husband and see tons of family and friends up North. That was awesome! I had a blast with my family and friends, dining out, at the reunion and just hanging out. I would show you pics....but the camera didn't work for the most part. LOL
But nothing beats coming home....unless of course its coming home to a flat tire on our Mustang sitting in the driveway, over grown grass desperately in need of mowing, 90 some degrees heat with humidity, with all the windows closed in the house because the AC is on but wait...the AC is broke so...no one bothers to open the windows and its closed up with 3 dogs and 2 cats in it,(we had our teenage daughter here taking care of them), and now an approximate  6 x 6 foot area of my hard wood floors in the family room destroyed by those same dogs,(thanks to that teenage daughter not cleaning said floors up after an accident) the pool area littered with wet towels and clothes, cups etc and my beautiful bench on my deck in pieces like firewood........hmmm where is said responsible teenager?............ Now I am left to wonder about the assault laws in NC, but that's another whole story.......