Life without them....

I grew up in a small town in Northeast Ohio. Right on lake Erie called North Madison, Ohio. After graduation I moved away.  A whole 2 or 3 miles from the edge of Madison to our football rival's town right next door in the small town of Geneva. Lol...that's as far as I went. All my life was spent within a 5 mile radius of Madison and Geneva. I grew up there, married there, divorced, remarried. My kids were all born there. They grew up there. My first grandchild was born there. My mom, my sister and my brother and his wife live there and all their kids and grandkids live there. We all stayed. Until 2007, when I moved over 700 miles away and started a new life.

Who is that woman in the mirror? Reflecting....

The other evening I was putzing around the house straightening up before bed. I like getting up to a clean house, so I go around the house in the evening and clean up the days mess, load the dishwasher if there is anything to load, etc. I was at my entrance table putting things away (it seems to be the place where things get dumped) when I glanced up.

I have a mirror there. Its about 6 foot high by 4 foot wide (hung vertically instead of the usual horizontal view). Its huge and extremely heavy. It belonged to my mom. I can remember it from my childhood back at least 30 some odd years ago. It was much bigger then and I had it resized years ago. Something I regret now. ;) My mom gave it to me long ago and I had it framed and its beautiful.

The light was dim, with only my Scentsy warmer burning on the table under the mirror, so there was a glow in the mirror with soft lighting flowing from it and bouncing off the sides, reflecting back and forth off itself. My front door behind me was open and although it was night time, some light was also coming through the door behind me. It made the mirror look even more beautiful. It was like the illusion of looking into water with only moonlight shining down on you. The tree leaves blowing in the breeze outside reflected through the door and made the light move. -Kind of surreal.

The odd thing is the reflection I saw.....

A DECORATING "FIND"

OH MY GOSH! Did you ever see something in a magazine like Pottery Barn, or Pier 1 that you just loved and then looked at the price and........whoa!! Ridiculous! Well I found a website that teaches you how to DIY all those great things we see and want at the pricey stores. All for about penny of the cost. And it's actually a lot easier than you think. And some of the people sell there "knock offs" a lot cheaper. This site tells you how to do it or directs you to another blog that does. I love it! Check it out...
http://knockoffdecor.com/

Re- purposing. Just about anything can be made new again.

I re-purposed a bunch of items to show and of course I forgot to take some of the before pics. :(  Kinda ruins everything. But here are a few pics of some very easy cool things! See the lamp on top of the little buffet? Well that belonged to my mom and has been sitting in my garage, and the garage before that for about 20 years. It was brassy gold, and the lamp shades had broken. I brought it in one day and decided to fix it up. I searched online till I found white "milk glass" lamps shades that were very similar to the originals. They were actually fairly cheap too. I think they were like $35.00 each. When they came in I picked up some pewter spray paint and Voila! like new! Actually better, since they weren't brassy any more. :)
Here is the website where I found the globes in all different styles....  http://www.lampsplus.com/

And the speaking of the little buffet table. I found it in a second hand store for $60.00 buck I think and loved it. It was a bright neon blue and didn't work for me. So I painted it green and although I really liked the color I changed my mind on it. so............BEFORE. I love the green but I needed it to be neutral...so............

I WENT WHITE!!!

So how about those expensive small appliances that you see in magazines. They always have them to go with their decor and they cost a small fortune!!!! Again, PAINT your own!

I got these chairs from a neighbor who refinished chairs years ago. About 10 I think. I took the seats off (which is very easy to do) and recovered them with a textured material. Kind of like burlap feel, but softer on the bum. Sprayed them with scotchguard too. I have a huge family...so LOTS of scotchguard. And I painted the chairs with a spray paint. Just took them outside without the seats and sprayed them down. Very easy and it really gave them a new life. They go with my redone kitchen now! More of Cottage feel. Although I just took a test online at Better Homes and Gardens and it said my style was "Polished  Casual" hmmm... I like that. Find out yours.... http://www.bhg.com/decorating/decorating-style/quiz/

My "new" lamps!

So, I bought these lamps at Lowes. I loved them. Problem was...I didn't really "love" the decor in my formal (yeah, like anything in this house is formal..but that's what they call it I guess) living room. I have a family room that we really "live" in but this room is right at the entrance of the house and it is my favorite room to go to read in or just hang out for a little quiet time by myself. It had a lot of green so I thought these lamps would work but then when I switched out the green in the room, the lamps didn't work. So.....a little painters tape, some white gloss spray paint, and new shades and a totally different look! What do you think? The green pic on the left shows they had white shades which is a little hard to tell but .....the new shades (also from Lowe's) were on sale for $12.99! I love the new look.

and now the room fits! 

BANG FOR YOUR BUCK!!! A Kitchen Re-do!

The big job that I have been putting off is my kitchen update.  I don't plan on doing a kitchen "remodel" with new layout and all that. -My kitchen layout is fine for this house and it can't really be changed without some major structural re-configuring. And we aren't sure if this is our "forever" home or not. If not, our next one definitely will be. But until we figure that out, I just wanted to upgrade my kitchen. And get new appliances. Because I hated the way my cabinets looked!  But I love how they look now! This is how great they turned out!!! And ya don't have to spend thousands of dollars to give your space a simple facelift. New appliances were a bit pricey but painting the cabinets was truly the biggest change for the least amount of money. 
                          Take a look now!!! I just love it!

AND ANOTHER CLOSE UP OF THE COLOR...

from this.... 

to this....

AND HERE ARE SOME OF THE BEFORE AND DURING PICTURES.......

Learning to speak for myself...

I read something this morning that reminded me of the power of pray and the power of words…

that when I'm talking to God about HIS Child-myself or one of my loved ones- that I couldn't disrespect the Lord by complaining and speaking ill about HIS child. I can not speak curses and faults about the one whom God loves. God doesn’t make mistakes with who we are. We are his children, failings and all. We should not be speaking negatively of our Lords creations.

So this made me wonder to myself and aloud to share with you...where did we get the idea that it’s okay to put ourselves down? We were made in HIS image. Have you thanked Him for who you are? You may say, “Oh no I am a failure, I am a sinner, a loser. I don’t measure up. You don’t know the things I have done.” Well, God does. And He still loves and wants you with Him. So how dare we speak of God’s creation (us, our spouse, our children, family and friends) in that way? We have learned to speak in negative ways about ourselves as well as others. It is learned behavior. It is not only accepted but encouraged to put ourselves down. Because we never measure up to the image the world has said we should be. We were not made in the image of the world but in the IMAGE OF GOD! We need to get a hold of that and begin to see ourselves that way.

We need to learn about the power of words. The life and death of the tongue.  We need to relearn how to speak to ourselves. It is a process that does not come natural unless we had Godly parents who may have taught us. But we CAN learn it. We can ask God to guard our tongues. We can learn to take our scriptures and stand before the mirror and speak out what we mean to God. What He says about us. It may feel weird, or fake and unnatural at first, I know. But that’s because it’s Truth and we have accustomed ourselves to lies. Lies that the enemy tells us when we believe all the negative things about ourselves. It is what we say about ourselves, our children, our husbands and wives. I’m not talking about ungodly pride. I am talking about seeing God in ourselves and honoring that.

We need to begin each day with affirmation to ourselves and our loved ones of who we are in God. Have you thanked God for and prayed for your spouse today? For your husband or wife? Your children? Family and friends? Have you asked God to bless them in all they do? Have you prayed for God's love to shine on their face as it says in Numbers 6? Think about it. Think about the difference it would, could, will make in your marriage, with your children, your family and friends. In your life as a whole. Have you used your tongue today to speak life over yourself or your loved ones? Have you put those life affirming words into the atmosphere?

Numbers 6:22 says

...The LORD bless you
   and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
   and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
   and give you peace.”

This is a blessing given to Moses. Can you imagine if we took the few moments each morning to thank God, truly for our spouse, for the blessing of God for him or her? What if we

Goodbye Dad and Bethy too...

I've been thinking about my dad who passed away 4 months ago- October 23rd 2011. I only knew him for a short time. He left when I was little and my mom raised us as a single parent. Their were lots of struggles but she raised us mostly on her own and did everything she could to take care of our needs. I give her credit for her perseverance and great strength. It's tough. My dad left when I was little girl and I missed all those things most girls take for granted growing up with a father. I never got to be daddy's little girl. I never got to dream about marrying someone like him. And he never walked me down the isle.
But we reconnected about 12 years ago. He asked for and I gave forgiveness. He turned out to be a good man who made a very bad decision many years ago in his youth. And I learned long ago that unforgiveness serves no purpose and only makes one a bitter person. It takes hold of your heart and turns it black. And the person you refuse to forgive isn't hurt by it, you are. 
Besides, I wanted to know him. So we got to know each other through 1 wonderful visit after 30 odd years and many long distance calls. He drove with his lovely wife Gloria clear across the country to see me. We spent a week together. That was the one and only time I was to have with him. We lived more than 2000 miles apart. Unfortunately very little time was had before he passed away. It doesn't seem fair...
My "daddy" was a man I never really got to know.  And I have a half sister and half brothers I never got to know. Occasional emails or post on Facebook but that's it. 
I saw this video and thought of him. And then I thought of Betheny, an amazingly beautiful young woman and part of our "heart" family that we lost last year. She was such a beautiful 25 year old  woman and mommy. She was my daughter Jessica's best friend of almost 20 years...since they were little tikes. They grew up together. She had so much more living and loving to do. But now she's doing it in Heaven. You can read about her in this other post...

http://buildingsandcastlesinthewind.blogspot.com/2011/10/bethy-and-louiewhat-wonderful-world.html

But take a listen to this wonderful song, for the both of them...

Sadness and loss...again.

So I have been trying to keep this blog a little lighter than I use to. But this has been a tough week to do that. Impossible to do so this week. Back home in my home town tragedy has struck-again. Y'all know if you've read my previous blogs that my daughter Jessica's best friend, sweet Betheny Mehall and her boyfriend Cord Cox were both shot and killed a year ago this February. As if the remembrance of that isn't painful enough....well, shockingly its gotten worse. The Cox family, Cord's parents, lost their other son -Cord's younger brother Nick this past week in an auto accident! I can not even imagine such heartache as losing your son and his girlfriend and 1 year later, just days after the anniversary of that to loose your other son!  Both of them young men in their 20's. To young to die. Nothing seems fair and nothing makes sense.

And now the shooting and subsequent death of the young students in Chardon. Just 20 minutes down the road from my home town. Another tragedy and loss of life. Families dealing with such a profound loss. My heart goes out for them all. Including the family of the shooter. As in the situation with the first shooting of Beth and Cord, likewise in the Chardon tragedy. The family of the young man who made the decision to take some one else's life has to live with their sons actions too. Gosh, so much pain and loss for everyone. I pray peace and comfort for them all.

 I am a Christian and as such, I can only feel and experience this from my own perspective. I hope they knew God. Not because it will make it easier and in no way do I mean that these tragedies wouldn't have happened if they did. Only so that they could feel His comfort in the midst of this. That they may feel his love. So they may know His heart breaks for them too. My heart so aches for them. There is nothing that can change this situation. I can do nothing for these families to relieve their pain. But I can pray. And I will...continually for them all.  

This video is hilarious. Her name is Pam Peterson. So appropriate for this time in my life....lol

Ch...Ch...Changes....

Hey there,

So this blog started out to be just about my faith. But slowly I have come to realize that I have more to say. Much more. Uh oh. Yes, I am a child of God but I am also a woman who likes to read, laugh, decorate, garage sale, beach it, fish, hang out on the fishing pier, find great recipes, talk about my grandbabies, and did I mention-decorate!?!! All those things make up who I am, along with my faith. Like threads in fabric they all are woven together to make me-me! And I'm pretty cool, actually. LOL...Hey! It's not just my opinion-God says in Psalm 17 that I am the apple of His eye...so there! So I am shifting this blog to be more about................

Bethy and Louie...What a wonderful world...

As I breeze through the house cleaning, I stop and do a turn and sway to the music.The day started sad. So I made a choice this morning. To listen to the music. Now, there's a smile on my face. Louie Armstrong, one of my favorites is singing. He is chuckling. And I chuckle with him. Because in this moment, this one small moment of time, we share a single thought- What a wonderful world it is. I smile. It is a matter of perspective. To see beauty in what could be an ugly world. Good will overcome. Although this year I questioned that. More than I ever have in my life.

Sweet, vibrant CRAZY Betheny

2011 came in with a roar. A viscous roar. There was Bethy. Sweet beautiful Betheny. Now this -this rocked my world. Straight to the core. I am still in shock and still rebuilding my heart......
This is why I need to write today. To remind myself of the beauty of this world amidst the ugly. Perspective? I can't seem to put her loss in its place. This one still makes me cry all the time. Makes me wonder about this world. Beautiful and full of life. She was the one who always dared. Dared to be different, dared to be noticed, dared to do anything. No fear in her at all. She was larger than life. When she was little she had a way of always making sure you knew she was in the room. And that never changed. She was my daughters best friend. She was a part of our entire lives. From childhood to adulthood to motherhood. And I can not believe she is gone. She was suppose to be here to see her best friend, my daughter Jesse's little Addison born. For her and Jess to raise their boys together as friends too. To fight with Jess's other friends for the position of Maid of Honor at her wedding. I really wanted to see the end of her story. To see her as an old lady. To see her raise her son. I watched her grow from a little girl into a young woman and then a mother of her own child. Its the circle of life. I never thought for a moment she wouldn't finish that circle here with us. My heart still aches. There is a saying..."Live life out loud". Well if ever someone did, it was her. She piled a lot into her short life. And that was taken from her at 25. From us. Her family, friends and from her son. Bethany was murdered February 19th, 2011. Along with her boyfriend Cord. They died at the hands of another. A lost soul who made a decision to takes her life along with the life of Cord due to his own brokenness. Violently and selfishly. A split second decision and act of violence from this man and lives are robbed. -And Bethy is gone from us all. And hearts are destroyed. Families are pulled apart and a little 5 year old boy is left without his mother. My daughter Jessica lost her best friend. I lost a "daughter". And her mother, my dear friend Julie, lost her world, her heart. It will never make sense to me. I will never understand it. I look at her picture on the shelf and still ask why? My comfort comes in the fact that I believe I will see her again. My hope is in this.

My daughter Jessica and Beth  BF's Forever!

Through all the pain, heartache and loss I have felt this year, I still believe in good. I remind myself of the good things in my life. I have a good man. A strong, loving and kind Christian man. He still opens doors for me after almost 10 years together. He calls me babe, and means it. He still offers me something when he gets himself a glass of tea. He puts me first. He was raised to be a gentleman, and remains true to that. I have children. Not always without issues and troubles, but they are mine and they love me. They still come to me. We still talk and laugh together. I have beautiful grandchildren-all ages. Newborns to 10 years old. Nine of them! I have been in the room and witnessed 3 of their births in the last year. A beautiful home with a pool within a mile of the the beautiful Atlantic ocean. A nice solid running SUV that I love and can drive out on the beach. A great loving church and church family. Wonderful friends. Yes, its a wonderful life. Not perfect by any means. But I am content. Could I use some more money? Yes. Would I love that new fridge? Yes, absolutely! Do I wish some things had turned out differently? Yes. But joy comes from within. And I am joyous. And I believe contentment is learned. And I am content. I am learning such joy and contentment at this stage of my life from the small things. The "jasmine?" scent that filters in my windows. The breeze coming through the front screen. The gentle rain. The birds chirping. The word "gram" from a child. The drive over Snows Cut Bridge with the Cape Fear river on one side and the ocean on the other. Laughing with friends. Revelations from God. And listening to Louie.....

Do I say these things so someone will be envious? NO! I know I have a good life and I am blessed. Many do not have the same comforts as I do. And some have more. I say these things to remind myself. So I do not get blase' about life. Both the big things and the small. Life is fragile. It is to be honored and held dearly in your hands. We are given gifts from God to cherish.

I am still grieving the loss of Bethy. I miss her. A mother herself, a beautiful child such as her should not be taken so young from parents and friends who love her. But she was. So I try to honor and hold dear the things I have. And not waste "life". The things I cherish. And yes, appreciate the simple things such as the sweet fragrance coming through my window. If I can learn to honor and appreciate all the little things in life, the blessings I have, then I think it honors her memory. To not take for granted all the little things that were stolen from her. I thought of her a lot this morning. I think of her every day. But today, the tears began. So that's why the music came on. She loved music. She loved to dance. I can choose to look at the negative or the positive. To love or hate. To be angry or peaceful. To gripe or be thankful. To forgive or hold on to unforgiveness. To sit or to dance. I didn't always have contentment so I appreciate it now. We get so wrapped up in all the things we don't have that sometimes I think we need to take a moment and remember what we do have. And speak it out. Words have power. Life and death comes from our lips. So speak LIFE!!! So I visualize it. Speak it out. Write it down. Smile about it. And speak thankfulness. Loudly!!!. .........And remember to hold life dear. And I will strive to remember all of Bethy. Not how she died, but how she lived. And if you can do all that while listening to a little Louie, then that's even better. And dear sweet daughter Bethy, this dance with Louie, is for you.....

Beth and little boy JJ

Cord and Beth

Bethy

HUSHED TONES

Yesterday I went to get my hair done at a salon in town. I normally don't go to this salon because its very upscale and very overpriced. But my husband had bought me a gift certificate there last year so I went to use it. As I sat down in the chair and began friendly conversation with the stylist I had never met, we made small talk. Throughout the conversation from different things she said I realized she was a Christian. She didn't announce it, she simply made small talk about her life. (no we Christians don't have a secret handshake) I didn't say a whole lot, I just listened. In doing so there were so many hints and veiled references to her faith that I just knew she was. I was at the salon for almost 3 hours. (Apparently I needed a lot of work!)...

Measuring Up

What do you do when you don't feel like you measure up? Like there is always something you are doing wrong? I have felt that way for quite a while with certain issues and people. Sometimes I feel like I am being measured by a yardstick that belongs to someone else...

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